Warning: somewhat lengthy and verbose and largely personal and also contains “explicit” language but also related to art at times post ahead!
Buddies,
I’m writing this eve thinking about a zillion things. I guess I want to share some stuff that feels important to me right now if anyone’s interested. Supes no biggie if not.
The past few months have seen a couple of big shifts for me, internally speaking. At the top of the summer, I started to notice a change in how my body was tolerating alcohol. I kept opening beers in the regular beer opening situations and failing to finish said beers. Poor lil guys. I felt like my body was loudly protesting my usual tendency til that point to open and drink cans of beer. Refusing to give up without a fight, I kept opening the beers, and they kept walking away feeling neglected.
Then, I did give up properly and my baseline alcohol consumption decreased by 90 percent, at least. Next, around the time Nimblefingers(the more structured version that was planned) got canceled in August due to the wild fires in the BC interior, I stopped smoking tobacco as well. All this took a bit of getting used to, and I definitely experienced a significant depressive episode, as has been my wont in the past.
Long story long, I came out of that dip. One night whist watching reruns of the Sopranos, I ate some plant medicine, and after about 40 minutes my attention turned from Lorraine Bracco and James Gandolfini’s tour de force performances(the whole cast is brilliant by the way) to the by then rather massive pile of dirty dishes that had accumulated next to the sink. Poor lil guys.
I started on the dishes with a fervor and enthusiasm I’d seldom felt before, all the while listening to some pretty bangin folk music. Can’t remember what I was listening to but I was really getting into it.
The next couple of weeks saw me getting into some dark and messy corners of our house and of my mind. What I started to come around to is that these little messes had been left unkempt for far too long. It was time to tidy up.
Soooo, I feel like that’s what I’ve been doing with my life lately. Those of you who know me at all probably know that this has been building for a while. I didn’t even realize myself what a mess I’ve been until quite recently. Not that I feel any shame about it, but, thanks for putting up with my bullshit, buddies. You probably know who you are. I hope you do, anyway.
From where I stand now, it’s clear that, in the last several years, I’ve been processing/healing surrounding trauma that I don’t fully understand yet. Maybe I never will. What I do know is that I feel better than I’ve felt in many years. I feel a renewed sense of connection with myself, my loved ones, art/music/food, my peers/colleagues, my community, and the universe at large in all its immense, inherently chaotic, mysterious, absurd beauty. Trippy, eh?
This kinda stuff is something I previously felt a bit cynical about. I think I’ve had a hard time with nouveau spirituality and hashtag gratitude. Again, if you know me, you know that this has been the case in the past. Heck, a pop artsy, slogan-y, memeish, “Grateful” painting rests ironically above our toilet at this very moment. I bought it at Winners, I believe. We added a hashtag ourselves years ago.
But, you know what? I think I’m starting to get it. I’m getting glimpses of it, anyway. An overreaching concept I’m trying to keep on the dashboard is that of humility. Please know, buddies-I don’t suddenly have it all figured out and I am loathe to speak from atop a soapbox. I don’t believe there’s any one big solution to anything that will always work every single time (I’m using both alcohol and tobacco again btw). There’s no silver bullet (pls refer to what I said above about the inherently chaotic nature of the universe). I remain as full of shit as the next bro. I acknowledge that this process of learning/healing is lifelong, but I feel heartened that I’m open to it again. I don’t think I was there for a good long while. Feels like a win. Feels good.
In other news, I’m releasing Instant Classic on Oct 20! I had to push it back a bit cause blah blah it doesn’t matter. All that shit is not even real. What is real is my renewed feeling of inspiration about existing as a wee speck drifting through the infinite cosmos. I digress.
I’m very pleased with these songs as lil slices of space/time and the way they took shape in the deft hands/ears of everyone who participated. I’m sure I’ll make another post calling out the folks who made it happen by name. In the meantime, though, I’d be honoured if you gave the album a whirl. Heck, invite a friend over. Light a joint. Crank it.
By the by, I hope that Victoria area buddies will drop by Hermann’s Upstairs Lounge on Thursday from 7-9 and hang with me and 6 of my most talented friends so we can all celebrate together. We deserve it! I’m properly and sincerely excited about this show and I’d be chuffed if folks actually turned up for it. Tickets here:
Whether or not that all materializes, buddies, I just wanna remind you all to take care of yerselves and of each other. That’s kinda all we got. It’s important. And, practice gratitude (I can’t believe I’m actually saying this in a public forum)! Like not ironic, faux, ersatz, hashtag gratitude, but honest to goodness real and sincere and true gratitude. Pay attention to whatcha got. After all, we could be living in the holy land atm. Jeez.
Much peace and love,
Cluny
PS another thing I’m doing again all of a sudden is discovering music. Ima post a link in the bio/comments/wherever to a Spotify ( I know-shame) playlist that consists of some current faves. Def heavy on the @watchhouseband. Most of these artists are currently touring and trying to make it work in this mostly fucked up, commodified, late stage capitalist model of professional musicianship. They deserve your attention if they don’t have it already. Check it out here if yer feelin it.
Gorgeous photo by @howflytimes @emilebenjamin
